Third Trimester Reflections
I’m nearly 38 weeks pregnant. I finally stopped shooting births last week…and I feel like I’m finally starting to sit with the reality that I am actually having a baby. Because I watch so many women give birth, I think I was able to detach myself from my own process. And so there has been something so good about transitioning from “documenting someone else’s story” to “reflecting on what I hope for my own.”
My midwife, Shari Romero, has been the perfect person to walk with me on this journey. Not only did we attend dozens of births together during my pregnancy, but she also always guided me back to visualizations of my own birth story.
We were talking the other day, and she said exactly what my heart has been feeling:
I’ve been day dreaming about the flow of your birthing…all smooth and bluish and floating with golden light and easy breath.
Each day, I’ve been working on clearing my mind and envisioning exactly how I want this little being to emerge into our world. I am prone to anxiety, and there have definitely been days where I feel overwhelmed with all the “what-ifs,” but I find that if I meet each scary possibility with a positive affirmation or a peaceful visualization…everything settles.
We’re having our baby at the Denver Center for Birth - a place that has become like a second home for me. A safe and comforting space where I can go and birth our baby. We don’t know if the girls will join us at the center. We don’t know how early or late I want to arrive. We’re trusting that it will all become clear in the moment.
Baby is low, low, low…and I’m having way more contractions than I did with the girls. I feel like this baby is going to meet us quickly, and yet also believe that we’ll have the right amount of time to feel calm and peaceful. I just started doing some labor prep massages and acupuncture with Fertile Grounds. It’s been a wonderful way to slow down and honor the space I’m in. I’m definitely not eager to have a baby right now. I feel so full, alive, and content in these last few days (or weeks) of waiting.
It’s amazing how many random people will comment on how uncomfortable I must feel…or how big my belly look. The reality is that I feel wonderful and my baby is just the right size.
I’ve also spent the last few days assembling things I’ve previously loved postpartum (if you have any other favorites, please let me know in the comments below!)
Bamboobies nursing pads
Motherlove Sitz Spray
Motherlove Nipple Palm
A few good books
A nourishing postpartum tea from Oatmama
Herbs for herbal baths
And then I’ll hopefully spend this week making a few nourishing soups/stews that we can freeze for after baby arrives. I am SO excited to have this baby in winter. There is something that feels so perfect about the long nights and cold days. Hot teas and soups never sounded great in the summer, but will be the absolute best this December/January.
Rebecca Walsh, Jennifer Mason, and Lindsey Bartell will hopefully all be at the birth. These women have worked with me and loved me for the past several years, and I couldn’t ask for a better team to capture this baby’s arrival. Lindsey came over and took all of these beautiful images (and put together this short film, which has made me cry at least 10 times already).
It’s so hard to believe that the next blog post I write about this journey will be my birth story. Thank you to everyone who has been holding space for us. Your love and good thoughts infuse my days.